i think we should be more than friends, because you really caught my interest.

E.

"a pictures says a thousand words"

haha. do they ever.

E.

you see, the thing about being way past the point of sobriety is that all your 'loving advances', whether it be a hug, a kiss (or perhaps something a little more hard core), are now socially acceptable.
If only we were normally so blasé about such things.


E.

i've lost access to the car for the next 2 days and it's probably your best bet to tell that i'm kind of pissed. majorly.


E.

every now and then, we lose sight of the things that are most important.
last night reaffirmed the significance to me of having true friends in this world, and i can't believe its taken me almost 19 years to figure out just who they are.


but after a full morning of trying to decipher regrettable drunken texts, i've come to the conclusion that it could have just been my tequila and beer infested imagination running wild. again.

(but on the flip side, last night was one of the best nights i'd had in months XD)


E.

i've never met a musician who regretted being one. i know i don't.
what ever let downs life has in store for us, music will never abandon us. i won't allow it to.


E.

ok just to clarify, i'm NOT mad at you.

i was just annoyed at the time.
forget i even said it, that i even thought it.


E.

Je voudrai partir
Jusqu'à la mer
Allongée sur le sable
Reprendre un peu l'air

Sentir les embruns
Rester encore
Rester jusqu'à
Ensalé le corps

On serait juste Toi et Moi
Près d'ici ou là-bas
Sans règles dignes et sans foie
Quand tu veux on y va
Toutes les couleurs du ciel
Un pleins de bouteilles
Du rhum, du vin, du miel
Quand tu veux on y va

Cachés pas les dunes
Entre terre et mer
Voler un peu de paix
Des refrains à la mer

Bien sûr tu serais là
Moi blottis contre toi
Je te raconterais ce rêve
Quand tu veux on y va

Si on vit cachés
Si on vit d'années
Si le temps se compte
On frustre nos hontes

Là-bas tu peux mentir
Là-bas tu peux tricher
Là-bas on peut salir
Là-bas on peut juste être...


i can see why they say french is the romantic language.


E.

i left because there was nothing else to do.
because once the games came out, it was as though i didn't even exist.

i can't help feeling as though this is what it's going to be like from now on. I should've seen this coming, but i hoped it wouldn't.

i know it's not your fault, but i can't help blaming you.
This is how i feel, and i can't control it.


E.

'tackle' is a strong word. i would prefer to say 'intense hug'.

so when you're lying on the ground recovering from an 'intense hug' performed by moi, it's because i haven't seen you in over 2 months.


E.

i want you to do what makes you happy.

but i'm afraid that if you leave, i'll be nothing but a distant memory to you.
i'm afraid that when you make it to the other side, i won't be able to jump.
i'm afraid that you'll spend so much time trying to write the future, that you'll forget to pen me in.
i'm afraid that fate itself will pull us apart.

'i'm pitching myself for leads in other people's dreams'

what i'm trying to say is that ultimately, i'm afraid that i'll be the friend that was, not is.



E.

"I have secrets, I have scars
As deep as anybody
I have fears no one hears
But don't tell anybody
Sometimes I lie
But doesn't everybody?
...
Well I stumble and I fall
Just like everybody
Try to walk before I crawl
But doesn't everybody?
Wish I could fly
But doesn't everybody?"


i'm tired of always being the strong one. Just once, i want to know what it feels like to cry in your arms.

This strong person that you see is just an act to hide my own weaknesses. For so long it's been the only way i've known to mask my true feelings. It was the defence that i created so long ago to protect myself from those who would dare to challenge it.

to be perfectly honest with you, i feel like taking a sledgehammer to this figurative wall. my soul is yearning to show you what lies on the other side.


E.

for as long as i can remember i've dreamt of becoming a doctor, and it still is my dream, nothing has changed there I can assure you.

so why do i find myself in a bewildering state of utter hesitation and confusion?


E.

it's people like you that make me question Darwin's theory of evolution, because if it's anything to go by, you shouldn't even be here.

is it really that hard to take a hint and realise that i just don't want to talk to you? honestly, i don't even want to know you. there is nothing there. there never was and never will be.
I've moved on, why haven't you?


E.

peut-être tu te demandes la raison pourquoi je ne m'ouvre pas à toi de mes sentiments.
si tu veux tout savoir; c'est à cause de toi.

je ne mentirai pas à toi, je me sentais quelque chose il y a quelque temps mais maintenant, je ne pouvais pas l'imaginer qu'il soit différent.

j'espére, du fond du cœur, que nous connaîtrons l'un l'autre pour un très long de temps.


E.

WARNING: one angry and frustrated tone of voice coming up.

i have just remembered why i truly deteste summer...

i really couldn't care less whether or not the price of electricity is going up.
i do not wish to acclimatise.
i do not wish to listen to wannabe greenies bitch about saving the environment this summer.

fuck the environment and fuck the money, i want my air-conditioner on.


E.

sometimes i wonder whether its really worth it. I try so hard to be a part of your life, but after all this time (yes, it really feels that long), i'm asking myself 'does this friendship mean anything anymore?'

i love you so much (in a strictly platonic way of course) and yet i find myself sitting here and pondering the unbearable question of whether or not you feel the same way.

i feel like i'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

E.

so you'd think by now i would have learned to put sunscreen on my legs.

but no.
and they just got raped by the fucking cat :'(


p.s - happy new year :)

E.