oxymoron

why do we always have to fight for the good things in life?

i guess if we didn't have to fight for them, then they wouldn't be so good.
but i'm so tired of fighting all the time, struggling to get what i want. i'm tired of always being the one that helps others rather than the one that is being helped. Is being smart all there is to me? its a bubble i am longing to burst, but somehow, i don't have the strength to make it happen.

its what i want and i can't fight for it.

but when the help was there, i didn't know what to feel, because crying into your shoulder was the best feeling in the world.


E.

although it's been understood and set out in stone, it hurts now more than ever.

but no one can save me now —i've already started to fall.


E.

over thinking

Je ne savais pas quoi dire. avez-vous voulez de le dire ou que tu viens de le dire?

ne le dis pas sauf si vous êtes sérieux à ce sujet.

mais peut-être vous avez eu raison. Je suis peut-être dans le déni de toute cette affaire et en fait, je l'aime aussi.

éperdument amoureux.


E.

you are amazing, and that is all.


E.

you don't even have to try to make me smile.

so stop trying.


E.

there are no excuses for the way i treated you. its a side of me that i neither like nor understand, and i try so hard to suppress it.

but please, never underestimate how much it means to me that you're always there for me.

and never underestimate how sorry i am right now. i will never forgive myself.

you deserve better.


E.

riding high

congratulations, thats really amazing (and i genuinely mean it when i say that).

but the way you rubbed it in like that? honestly, it was a very poor choice of words.


E.

too late for heroes

it was all just a bit fun.

and although its absolutely meaningless, i can't help but feel that its times like these that you realise who your true friends are. it hurts, because all those years ago, i thought we had something.

but i guess i was wrong.



E.

lead balloon

upset. angry. confused.

i just hit a new low.


E.

just a feeling

i can't leave. i don't want to let go of you.

believe me when i say that those words are like music to my ears.

lost in the moment. ecstasy. everything i've ever stood for means nothing. and your yearning for security? for once, to be sheltered from the reality that we call life.

vulnerable. weak. uncontrollable. or is that our excuse for us to hide from la vérité?

perdu dans chaque bras de l'autre pour seulement une brève seconde.

and this is where its my turn to confess: tu me manqueras aussi.


E.

i don't know what to think. i never do with you.

maybe i should just stop thinking...


E.

se cacher derrière un sourire

you really make me angry sometimes.

you know why?

because you think its always about you. My life and the thoughts and decisions of it don't revolve around you, so stop assuming that they do.

i am the master of my fate, i am the captain of my soul.

so tell me, what happens when the day comes and you're no longer top?

"When men are most sure and arrogant they are commonly mistaken, giving views to passion without the proper deliberation which alone can secure them from the grossest absurdities."

conceit, my good friend, will be the culprit of your demise, and although i'll make sure i'm there to catch you when it all comes crashing down, i won't forget to say 'i told you so'.



E.

you belong here

regrets and mistakes, they're memories made.


E.